The past few days I have been unable to relax. I am terrified about what happened to Ryan and I last Saturday and I don't know how to put into words the constant feeling I have in my chest. There are definite moments of relief--when I facetime with my sister and JM, when I find the perfect wedding shoe (no shame), or when I get distracted with something else--but most moments I am trying not to cry, trying not to focus too much on the absolute terror I feel about moving to DC, trying not to get too caught up in just wishing Ryan could come back to Milwaukee and we never have to move.
I am really struggling. And it is really hard to talk about because he was the only person with me and if we both talk about it...then the feeling is TOO much. I feel like it just doesn't make sense to put into words. SO...I am heavily relying on the power of prayer. I have been praying nonstop, for peace of mind, for peace in the country, for peace in our world, for the ability to breathe easy, in thankfulness that Ryan and I are safe.
It is so hard to not think, "it could be so much worse, this wasn't that bad, I am bring a baby," and then sometimes I think, "oh my gosh, that happened to you! freak out! you are totally allowed to sleep 11 hours because you need it right now."
I am just trying to find a place in between and seeking and looking forward to a time soon where this will be just a story tell and not a feeling so heavy in my chest that I don't want to leave my apartment.
This isn't what I ever wanted my blog to be like, so I hope you can forgive one non-light hearted post. I just needed to write this down somewhere. Please keep us in your prayers and I will continue praying for all of you too :)
To make us all feel better, enjoy this adorable picture of JM (and my very enthusiastic laughing face)!
And my beautiful wedding shoes