Assertive Spiel

Two weeks ago, when I walked out of therapy I really started to think about my therapeutic process and just all of the heavy emotions that come with it and have continued to come. One of the most helpful aspects of my time in therapy has been the feedback I get from other people through this blog and my Instagram after I talk openly about what I’m going through.

I don’t necessarily mean specific details because I feel like I have kept those generally to myself but just the feelings and the process that comes from therapy and my own point of view and then hearing your responses.—I feel like I offer a slightly unique point of view, too, since I have a Masters in Counseling!

That thought process combined with the fact that my therapist now wants me to see her every single week rather than every other week has led me to make the decision to start blogging again regularly, but to use the platform prominently for talking about my experience dealing with my mental health currently. I have dealt with mental health issues for a long time and a lot of that just looked like seeing a therapist here and there, but now it’s been steady and I think I’ve made a lot of progress and have experienced a lot of personal growth. 

I used to feel shamed or embarrassed to talk about too much. I felt like anyone would hear me talk about it or listen or read about it and just rolled her eyes or be annoyed. But, one thing that I’ve worked with my therapist a lot about it’s just being my true authentic self and apparently my new often take self means being an assertive person. And with that assertiveness means that even more so than before when I share too much information with people, I know how really seem to do that even more so.

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Moving forward, I intend to talk about what I took away from therapy that week. I don’t plan to share specific issues or circumstances in my life unless it seems absolutely necessary (it either feels too insignificant or too big to share). My hope is that it will be both helpful to myself to have all of this information in one place and helpful to others going through their own mental health journey.

So, like I mentioned above about being assertive, I found myself in therapy last week continually saying the phrase, “I know I’m not an assertive person but when I did this one assertive thing...” My therapist, let’s call her M, asked me why I don’t think I’m assertive. One of the reasons why I didn’t think I was assertive is because I would never have described myself that way in the past. I feel like the majority of my life I have been hesitant to share and some people might read that and laughed because I’m such an over sharer but I’ve always been hesitant to share an opposing opinion or an opposing belief or something that might be interpreted in a negative way. Part of that comes with my anxiety. I already am anxious almost every time I interact with someone that I’ve said something to upset them or I said something wrong. The crappy part about the reasoning behind that is because I have had friendships where I later find out someone was talking about me and the things I chose to talk about behind my back and that crushed me. So, to me that feeling of hesitation is valid. However, I think a combination of getting older, making better friends and having stronger friendships, and with the therapy I’m receiving I now consider myself an assertive person. I realize that my hesitation to use that word came from the correlation that being assertive means being a bitch. Some of you might be reading this and thinking well yes, Megan,  you are a bitch. And I’m not saying I’ve never done bitchy things. But, generally I try to be a pretty nice person. And the past week I’ve just really reflected on the idea that I can be assertive but I can still be kind. And if I’m being honest, my friendships and my personal relationships have gotten so much stronger with my ability to be assertive. I think Ryan and I’s marriage is stronger because when my feelings are hurt or when something is bothering me or when a thought pops into my head I share it with him right away because I am now comfortable in the way that I can format those thoughts into words without sounding rude or hurting his feelings and that has come from my time with M.

I want to take this as an opportunity to completely endorse therapy because although it has been hard and I have been open with the difficulty I’ve had in therapy it is a total life changer. The crazy thing is is I have a lot of more work to do and I have a lot further to go in therapy and if my life already feels this much better, I can’t even imagine what it’s going to feel like when my time with her is complete.

I think being assertive has come with confidence and the knowledge that my relationships (including with myself) can be much more genuine if I assert myself. I also find that choosing to be assertive is a proactive way to conquer my anxiety. Rather than worrying if a friend is upset or if I have hurt Ryan, I bring it up! And sometimes it’s brushed off and my anxiety is wrong and sometimes it leads to substantial conversations that help strengthen those relationships.

So, here I am. I, Megan Session, am assertive!! And proud of it.

See you guys next week!