YAY another anxiety spiel

I was trying to avoid talking about my mental health for a while because I didn’t want this blog to become so much about that. But, obviously I haven’t written a post in a while and the one thing that’s really been heavy on my mind is my anxiety and my mental health. I am so frustrated with my anxiety lately because it’s making me doubt so much from whether or not people like me to whether or not I’m a good wife to whether or not my friends are really my friends. It literally affects every single element of my life and that makes the day so much harder.  I know that when mine anxiety is telling me these things it is usually lying but I don’t typically know that until the next day or the day after when I’m no longer feeling those heavy feelings. 

I’m not here to talk about another slump in therapy. Because it’s been going really well and it’s been one of the biggest attributes to my anxiety getting better. But, it almost feels like the more work you do in therapy and the more you delve into things the harder your hard days get. 

Because now I know where some of the anxiety comes from and sometimes knowing those reasons on my hard days make them worse. Does that make sense? 

Right now in therapy rather than focusing on tools we are still making our way through my past and getting to know different elements of contributions to my anxiety. I was given a book to use and even though I don’t use it as often as I shared it has been helpful.

One thing that I’ve noticed lately is that the big anxieties, the big scary days, those aren’t as hard because I have immeasurable support from so many wonderful people. The hardest part with anxiety right now are those little stabbing thoughts that come while I am in my car or with a friend or alone with my thoughts that almost feel like letting the air out of the balloon.

And I want to say, I don’t write this post because I want people in my personal life to know these things. I obviously am an open book and will talk about my anxiety to anyone but my whole goal is to help other people to not feel alone and to also help myself understand my anxiety by putting my feelings into words.

One of the most fascinating parts of this whole process has been figuring out when my anxiety started and the conversations that have come from trying to figure that out. I know some people these days roll their eyes when people talk about having anxiety but I think I had a lot of anxiety growing up but because it didn’t look like typical anxiety it led to me being called a worry wart or being insecure or being overly sensitive. And none of those things were bad. One of the many wonderful things about my family and the home I grew up in was that all of those elements of my personality were supported emotionally and always talked about and talked through. I often leave therapy feeling incredibly grateful for the ongoing support I’ve had ever since I was a child!

Anyways, hopefully getting this post out of my system will leave room for fun stuff coming up soon! Thank you for putting up with reading these mental help us and I hope they help you in someway. I love you guys and I hope you have an excellent weekend!