A Therapy Spiel

I’ve talked about my anxiety a bit on here (it feels like it’s all i talk about in general) and i have to tell you the therapy lately has been exhausting. So much so that I’ve had to cancel just because i feel like i can’t handle it. It’s so hard because right now, day to day, I’m doing great. My anxiety hasn’t been steadily bad in a long time but my psychiatrist so kindly pointed out that this is the time to go to therapy—when I’m doing well and can start to learn the skills and how to apply them when i need them. 

And if you’ve been in therapy you know that sometimes they want to talk about crap you don’t want to. I understand that we want to figure out my issues with wanting to be a perfect wife and why/how i drive myself into panic attacks but i don’t want to analyze relationships with people that i have VERY healthy and great relationships with. I don’t want to analyze things that happened in my childhood or really try to come up with unhappy memories (hard to do) from my childhood that we can pick apart. 

Essentially, I’m feeling really defeated about therapy lately and am just really experiencing a slump. It is probably just because we haven’t seen each other in a while and the note we ended on last time isn’t one that I’ve enjoyed not being able to stop thinking about. 

I am lucky to have a therapist that calls me on my shit. I called her earlier last week to say that life is so busy right now and I’d prefer to start up again after the new year. And she called me back to say, verbatim, for some reason you are avoiding therapy and I will see you next Tuesday and we will figure out why. And here we are, Tuesday morning, and I will be seeing her tonight.

So, that’s the ugly truth of it. Even as a licensed counselor and a huge advocate for therapy, it’s hard. And exhausting. And i think my advice is power through it? I don’t know. I guess that’s what I’ll be doing!